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Single at Christmas? Find connection

"I have been a widow for three years and I noticed that I have not been looking forward to Christmas for weeks. I prefer to get into bed at the beginning of December, only to get out again sometime in January. How do I make this Christmas month bearable for myself?"

As a single, you can you dread holidays in general, and Christmas in particular. Another holiday that doesn't feel festive because you miss your buddy, a partner, someone with whom you can celebrate, is Christmas.

Find connection

Single or not, there are three things you can do for Christmas and they all boil down to the same thing: connect. After all, that is what all cheap commercials during the holidays are all about: socializing and being together. I hereby acknowledge that the practice is somewhat more unruly, but the invitation to connection lies well considered from Jesus himself. Come closer.

1) Take initiative

The first connection you can find is the most obvious one: connect with the people around you. Visit friends, family, or your church family during the Christmas season. Celebrate Jesus' coming together. Use the family dinner not only to eat well, but also to learn more about what the other person has experienced this year. Be curious, ask questions, see it as an opportunity to learn.

Connection starts with interest

If you don't have family around, then find friends. Invite yourself somewhere. If your church does not hold a service on Christmas Day, join the nearest church service. Or sign up for a volunteer job. Ring the nearest nursing home and ask who needs company.

In general, we wait too long for each other to take the first step. Set it up yourself and you will be amazed at the results.

2) Connection with yourself

But that's not what Christmas is all about. And if you don't feel like being with other people, you can. Therefore a good second: connect with yourself! Light a candle, pick up that stack of books you haven't gotten around to all year round and put on that CD that has been in its sleeve on the shelf for months. Or turn on the TV and watch it. Program makers are saving their gems for this time of year!

3) Connection with God

Finally, Christmas is ultimately intended as a maternity visit day for baby Jesus. So don't feel bad about being single, but go and visit Him. After all, Christmas is not about whether or not you have a partner. Take the time to connect with God, to review the past year and to present your plans for the following year to Him. This way you are ahead of January 1 and you can use that day to eat oliebollen and take a walk in the woods. Merry Christmas!


Aukelien Van Abbema is a singles and couples counsellor, public speaker, and successful author, including the title Dare to Date.

Helping people with Christian dating, relationships, singleness in church, dating in church, loneliness, connectedness, christian connection, healthy relationships.

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