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Can you date several people at the same time?

"I've been dating for a while, but I keep wondering, is it okay to date multiple men at once, or should you pick one and see if it works out or not?"

When I was single and in the middle of my "dating project," I had a date with a chap in the morning and with a different chap in the afternoon. And believe it or not, but in the evening at a party I spoke to another chap and confused them with the other! That night I couldn't sleep. Not even because I didn't know who else I wanted to date, but purely because the stories of all those men got a bit mixed up in my head. Not convenient!

Good experience

Until then I had never dated several people at the same time, but because I had been so active in making contact in the previous months, it suddenly came out like this one day. From that day on I decided to slow down a bit. But for someone who rarely dated until the age of 28, it was a good experience. And for the record, all three guys knew about my attitude to dating and knew about each other's existence.

Meeting new people

The answer to your question depends entirely on what your view on dating is and what you normally do in this area. When you're talking purely about dating - that is, meeting new people - you're talking about "just having a coffee with someone." That's the definition of dating I always use. Dating is getting to know someone new to you a little bit better. It also depends on what kind of single you are. Are you someone who rarely dates, or someone who is constantly on new dates?

Let's say you're someone who rarely dates, but you've decided this is the year you're going to find a new relationship. Then it is good to make several contacts for a while and see if dates result from that. For example, if you are on a dating site and send a message to ten people, it is quite normal that you only hear something back from one of those people. You can meet up with that one person, because if a second person responds, you can get to know them too. It's nice to have a choice, right?

Strict conscience

Of course you shouldn't just keep people on a leash. Or create false expectations by promising three people independently that they are the only one and that you would like to get to know them better. But if you're someone who rarely dates, you're more likely to suffer from too strict a conscience than too easy a conscience.

In short: in the end it has been my experience that it is quieter for yourself to date one person at a time. If only to not mix up your dates!


Aukelien Van Abbema is a singles and couples counsellor, public speaker, and successful author, including the title Dare to Date.

Helping people with Christian dating, relationships, singleness in church, dating in church, loneliness, connectedness, christian connection, healthy relationships.


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