The corona crisis has slumped dating a bit. Now I recently got an invitation from someone to start video calling. But is that smart? Isn't it better to wait until we can actually meet again?
Dating apps and websites seem to have more signups now than ever before. The question is indeed: can you still date? A crazy situation. Restaurants and coffee shops are closed, so it is a lot more difficult to meet somewhere. And meeting in a quiet and peaceful forest where you can still walk, is precisely - especially for a first date - by no means wise.
Making contact is essential
But if you live alone as a single, you are now very condemned to being alone. That will soon get boring. So making contact is certainly essential. I read somewhere: the term "social distance" was chosen incorrectly. It's about keeping a physical distance. Socially, it is more important than ever to be close to each other. But how do you do that?
Alternative to real contact
Because of the corona crisis, everyone in my work environment is video calling. Is this an alternative to "real" contact? And how applicable is that in dating? Right now I would go for video calling instead of endlessly searching dating profiles or staring at profile pictures. You can send an e-mail, but it will give you much less information than calling. And calling gives you less information than video calling. Calling your mother is different from calling a stranger. Then video can give you the extra information you need.
Touch, smell or feel
A video call date is also safe. As soon as you don't like it anymore, you can hang up or close your screen. You don't have to see anything you don't want to see or say anything you don't want to say. You may not be able to touch, smell or feel someone, but that can have advantages in dating. Come on, the smell is a disadvantage. Research shows that we partly determine the suitability of a potential partner with our nose. This has to do with a certain genetic suitability. We often find someone who is genetically more different from us, and with whom we have a chance of having healthier children, smelling better! So postpone your final decision about someone's eligibility until you've actually met them.
Add a cup of coffee
Finally, touching each other too much can also be confusing. Sometimes we easily confuse lust with love, and touching each other can generate lust before love is involved. In Song of Songs 2: 7 we are already warned about this: "Do not stir up love, nor provoke it until it please!" First get to know each other in a conversation. This is fine via video calling. Add a cup of coffee and pretend you're sitting together in a cafe or on a terrace. Then the real-life meeting will soon be even more fun!
Aukelien Van Abbema is a singles and couples counsellor, public speaker, and successful author, including the title Dare to Date.
Helping people with Christian dating, relationships, singleness in church, dating in church, loneliness, connectedness, christian connection, healthy relationships.
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