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The One

Everyone is looking for ‘the one’. People are looking for ‘the one’ perfect job, for ‘the one’ perfect house, how to decorate that house perfectly, and for ‘the one’ in special, fantastic friendships.

Churches are looking for ‘the one’ perfect pastor, that leader with a strong deep voice and big posture, with bright ideas, vision and leadership skills but also with a pastoral ear and a shepherds heart. Parents are hoping their children are ‘the ones’, the perfectly lovable, sweet images of all their best characteristics. No wonder singles are looking for ‘The One’ when it comes to dating. It’s in our culture!

And it’s not even a bad thing to long for what is perfect. We can get so worked up over perfectionism and it certainly has its pitfalls, but as Phil 4:8 states: ‘Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things’. Or, as C.S. Lewis states, to long for perfection is to long for God himself. Thats how He wired us, to long for Him. ‘The best is yet to come’ is a famous Lewis quote in this context. You can find it now anywhere, and it may sound cheap or cliché, but think about it. Let it sink into your heart. The best, The One, is yet to come. In that sense the longing of singles to find the One is pointing towards God and is a holy longing.

Stop looking for the One

But we have to realise that the only perfect One will always only be God. One of the most helpful advises I received when dating was ‘stop looking for The One’. There’s no such person. And what if you would meet someone seemingly perfect? It would only make you insecure. Because what about yourself, are you The One?


Aukelien Van Abbema is a singles and couples counsellor, public speaker, and successful author, including the title Dare to Date.

Helping people with Christian dating, relationships, singleness in church, dating in church, loneliness, connectedness, christian connection, healthy relationships.


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