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Where are the nice guys?

I've been looking for a nice single man for a while. But sometimes I wonder: where have the good men gone? It seems that there are no nice men anymore!

Oops, I encounter that question more often. To be honest, I think that with that attitude you will indeed never meet nice men because - rightly - they prefer to keep their distance. I also wonder if it is true that there are no nice men anymore. There are plenty of good single men between the ages of 30 and 50, but it may be that their character building is a bit snowed under.

In need of company

Many single men have found a way to live their lives and not suffer too much from missing a partner. That makes sense, and in a sense healthy. They choose to work hard, exercise, watch TV, or work some more so that they don't feel so much. Women - be they single or married - naturally seek each other out more. They need each other's company and a greater need for feedback. Or at least, they are more aware of that need.

That's why single women over 30 are often so much fun. They continue to develop and form, and continue to practice their relationship skills.

Single men over 30 take this less naturally. There are those who do it, but there are also those who withdraw a little socially. That applies just as well to married men, but it is less noticeable. At least they have company at home. 

Losing friends

Research shows that men often lose their friends when they go to work. They see their colleagues as their best friends, but those relationships are of course highly dependent on collaboration, and in the end the work comes first. A lack of close friendships can lead to serious psychological complaints, such as depression and anxiety. The risk of suicide is also higher among people without close friendships. The question is always which comes first: the complaints, or the lack of friendships. But they are facts to be taken seriously.

Good marriage

If you want to date as a man and eventually find a relationship, you would do well to invest in your friendships with men. Because that is where you can practice your relationship skills without the burden of an intimate relationship. A good marriage consists largely of friendship. You don't have time for good sex every day, but you do meet each other every day and it is great fun when you have a good time together. And you can practice that in friendships. So don't immediately take that nice woman out for dinner, but first go out with your friends this weekend. And not to drink and make silly jokes, but to have real conversations about what is on your mind, what you fear and what you need help with. This is how friendships and relationships deepen.


Aukelien Van Abbema is a singles and couples counsellor, public speaker, and successful author, including the title Dare to Date.

Helping people with Christian dating, relationships, singleness in church, dating in church, loneliness, connectedness, christian connection, healthy relationships.


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